What I Did On My Holidays


Chapter 2

Sydney Airport

7/11/99
Day 1

Naive theory: 7.00am flight from Melbourne to Sydney, arrive around 8.00am, leave Sydney at 10:30am. Oh no, two hours of boredom!

In practice: leave Melbourne thirty minutes late, stand in check-in queue in Sydney for an hour. What a cunning arrangement to avoid passengers having nothing to do!

The funny thing about Sydney Airport, or one of the funny things, for there are many, is that the domestic and international termini are separated by a bus trip. The alert observer will spot an entertaining red triangular sign with the words "GIVE WAY TO" and a little picture of an aeroplane. Sure buses are big, but it's a pretty brave bus driver to try mucking with a 747. Especially an incoming international flight, the pilot probably has jet lag and is in no mood for games of chicken. Lucky they don't let taxis in, I guess.

The next sight to see is the example of comedy roadworks. There is a sign, it says "Roundabout Ahead". There is a crossroad, and there is a circle painted in the middle of the road. That's not traffic management, that's artwork. Which leads me to speculate about that other Sydney icon (the first being clearly self-inflicted traffic chaos), the harbour bridge. We know it is always being painted, just ask the US Subaru salesman, Paul Hogan. What if the Sydney Harbour Bridge is just an artist's impression as well? Hadn't occurred to you, had it?

Note: If the rest of Ansett flight 8102 to Auckland ever catch up with passengers Bertolucci and Selini, they're going to be mighty upset about having to wait for so long for them to fail to show up.


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